Starting out.

Ok I finally listened to that little inner voice that we all get at times except for once I asked for guidance on what to listen to and what to syphon into the disregard bin of history, accepting what I need to do for a greater good rather than looking into all the intricacies of why not’s and completing the self fulfilling prophecy of opinions that have been thrust upon me by various calibre of Dr.  A hand up at just at the right time came along and if you want to call it blind faith then so be it, I am going to try to restrain from profanities as best as I can but there may be the odd slip back into old behaviours with an expletive and or curse here and there.  I heard a few weeks ago of someone’s loss and it not only made me realise human frailty in the bigger picture but also perspective and what is important not just on a personal base level but in the wider communities of humanity as a whole, I have tried desperately over the years for a quick fix which never worked, there were the get rich quick schemes, the scams, the cons and looking back at these episodes it is a total light bulb moment why the quick fix never worked.  Guess a work in progress could be the best way to put it as what was, what is and what is to come, more importantly is the why?  Why did I do it? Why didn’t I stop it? Why did I put others through the wringer of emotions because of what I was projecting and ultimately responsible for?  The why’s are starting to grow into a long list that if I was to look at the basis of what it is built on I could go on ad infinitum, hate myself so I must hate the world, the world hates me so lets hate back a bit more so then the spiral starts and so does the shift in thought, perception,action and deed.  Solace at the bottom of the glass and lets blame everybody but the very person who should have taken responsibility for the consequences of actions/inactions over the years but never truly giving a damn apart for himself and the pour me syndrome, bad choices yep, ultimately responsibility still is with me and within reach.  Everybody else could see it but the central core of all this couldn’t or more pertinently wouldn’t, labelled and put in a box so lets let it define us and then live it for what it is worth, disowned by the family blame everyone else but never dream of looking at how the part played in this dramatisation by moi could possibly have repelled everyone around me.  I think on this one it is a definite hold hands up and just get on with it, while getting on with it though seek the guidance and love that is being freely offered in abundance and a fine tuning to the inner voice is now a necessity more than it ever has been before and a studying of words with a deeper meaning and on more levels with more intensity is on the card.  Been a while coming but without this all becomes none and self will run riot is a dangerous opportunity I think I will pass over to the greatest love of all to take through his sacrifice at the hands man.  Peace be with you all!